Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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