So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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