shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
