and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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