So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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