I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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