if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
