Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
