Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
