Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
