Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
