She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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