half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
