Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
porn star boner night. come get it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
