apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
