Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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