Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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