You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i think i just lost a toe
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
