I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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