census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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