"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
