I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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