This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
