alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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