I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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