so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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