they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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