i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
