I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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