I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
