and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
