were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Blood and glitter go together right?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
