I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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