Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
