she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I currently don't understand fingers.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
