What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
