I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
