good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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