Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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(917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard http://tfl.nu/zt1l

Replies (19) Good night (3173) Bad night (714)
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(925): View more from California

im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy

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(925): im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy http://tfl.nu/0d9q

Replies (19) Good night (2704) Bad night (697)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.

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(630): I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something. http://tfl.nu/fnx9

Replies (5) Good night (2166) Bad night (517)
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(805): View more from California

IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!

(818): View more from California

A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?

(805): View more from California

CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT

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(805): IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT! (818): A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie? (805): CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT http://tfl.nu/znee

Replies (21) Good night (5434) Bad night (914)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)

(1-775): View more from Nevada

Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.

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(775): I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;) (1-775): Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city. http://tfl.nu/zbb5

Replies (14) Good night (4784) Bad night (682)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family

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(973): So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family http://tfl.nu/6om1

Replies (11) Good night (3910) Bad night (995)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.

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(270): I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/gibq

Replies (12) Good night (1213) Bad night (4981)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

No thats like a top 10

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(918): is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night? (1-918): No thats like a top 10 http://tfl.nu/uawo

Replies (35) Good night (6643) Bad night (907)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me

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(215): I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me http://tfl.nu/08l6

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(817): View more from Texas

Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.

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(817): Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24. http://tfl.nu/4goe

Replies (5) Good night (1420) Bad night (743)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.

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(828): and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY. http://tfl.nu/xi75

Replies (9) Good night (1881) Bad night (616)
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(512): View more from Texas

There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.

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(512): There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it. http://tfl.nu/1bu2

Replies (12) Good night (1573) Bad night (572)
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(316): View more from Kansas

ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.

(316): View more from Kansas

And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming

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(316): ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid. (316): And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming http://tfl.nu/9ifj

Replies (2) Good night (898) Bad night (365)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.

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(901): First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer. http://tfl.nu/seyu

Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (338)
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(815): View more from Illinois

My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.

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(815): My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life. http://tfl.nu/xtl1

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