My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
a search helicopter?!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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