at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.