I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
