I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
