can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
