sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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