I think I died a long time ago.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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