First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
