My friends, they love my intelligence
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
