Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
