Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
