then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
