Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
