it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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