Already got asked if we're dating
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
