i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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