quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
