It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
