SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
