Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she looked like the before picture.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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