my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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