Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize