Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize