Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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