worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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