i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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