i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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