broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
