I only kidnapped one of them. chill
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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