I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
