I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
