More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
