my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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