I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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