U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
